The feeling at the first few moments holding her hand was maddening for me. It was driving me crazy. It was like unreal yet blinding. We were in a restaurant in Kawran Bazar. We had a bit of scuffle the previous night, so we were trying to reconcile each others thought. She complained that she had sleepless night (because of my behaviour) and was therefore very tired after a long walk to my office. She even said that she was trembling because of that stress. Taking that chance I asked her to give me her hand so that I could see if she was really trembling or not (it was a kind of joke we often shared). And then she forwarded her hand towards me. I clutched at it for a few moments and it felt awesome. I felt I had experienced a great moment in my life. But alas! She didn’t feel that way, as she was too tired and exhausted.
However, she did felt the same things but two days later. We were on a rickshaw and I grabbed her hand when we were passing through a nearly lone street. She said she was scared. But I knew it wasn’t fear. Her mind was troubled with this new feeling she was experiencing. Her whole body trembled and she couldn’t stare at my eyes. Later, she confessed that she couldn’t concentrate on the class she attended after that.
Now, after a couple of weeks, I think I am calm enough to review and give a second thought on the feeling that rattled the minds of both of us. Actually those feeling were too deep and vast to be explained in one word. The feeling was like the life and world itself. It was joy of doing something new. It had the pride of possessing someone. It was dreadful because society didn’t allow it. It was good because youth and young lived for it. It was sad because our parents and guardians never approved it.
As I had said those feelings were like existence of life and world in a nutshell. It had happiness, sorrow, courage. It was beginning and end at the same time. It had the rumbling and trembling of creation and devastation at the same time. And our life, life of each and every individual is a total of all these feelings.
--- 27/5 Bonogram Lane, Dhaka -1203 (Onik’s house)
October 2nd, 2003, 1810 hrs
However, she did felt the same things but two days later. We were on a rickshaw and I grabbed her hand when we were passing through a nearly lone street. She said she was scared. But I knew it wasn’t fear. Her mind was troubled with this new feeling she was experiencing. Her whole body trembled and she couldn’t stare at my eyes. Later, she confessed that she couldn’t concentrate on the class she attended after that.
Now, after a couple of weeks, I think I am calm enough to review and give a second thought on the feeling that rattled the minds of both of us. Actually those feeling were too deep and vast to be explained in one word. The feeling was like the life and world itself. It was joy of doing something new. It had the pride of possessing someone. It was dreadful because society didn’t allow it. It was good because youth and young lived for it. It was sad because our parents and guardians never approved it.
As I had said those feelings were like existence of life and world in a nutshell. It had happiness, sorrow, courage. It was beginning and end at the same time. It had the rumbling and trembling of creation and devastation at the same time. And our life, life of each and every individual is a total of all these feelings.
--- 27/5 Bonogram Lane, Dhaka -1203 (Onik’s house)
October 2nd, 2003, 1810 hrs
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